by Ryan Heshka

by Ryan Heshka

I have a big problem with people who tell me: "Whether you like it or not, you are held to a higher standard because you created Guerrilla Feminism." That's like all those asshole parents who yell at mainstream celebrities for not being better "role models" for their children. And fuck that noise. 

If people want to hold me to a "higher standard", that is their choice. However, they will be disappointed when I inevitably fall from the pedestal they've put me on. #burnyouridolsespeciallyifimyouridol

I think it's really unfair to put such immense pressure on a person. I do not live my life for you. I am not in this life for you. Most days, I am barely able to live my life for me. I have intense anxiety, trauma, BDD, PMDD, etc etc. I'm stilling figuring out my own shit.

I'm hypersensitive, and even though I am fairly desensitized in a lot of ways (not necessarily a good thing), I still cry when people say mean things about me. I still worry about being liked. I still analyze shit like it's going out of style. I am not above anyone (and I've never presented myself as such either). 

I cannot be your hero/shero/queen/goddess/etc. Or if I can... I can't be your perfect version of me. "Perfect" doesn't exist, and I am not going to exhaust my energy in something that isn't even attainable. 

It has taken me a long time to love myself. Please understand that I cannot jeopardize this.