Time to stop making fun of my Master's Degree--and it starts with me.
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As a feminist "lady blogger", I've come to realize how much shit we have to put up with--and it doesn't appear to be ending any time soon. I recently read an article about a rower (and blogger) named Jenn Gibbons. Gibbons set out to complete a solo voyage: the 1,500 mile perimeter of Lake Michigan. From her blog, it states...
Just like that Patsy Cline song, I sometimes find myself "walkin' after midnight"--alone. If you're a woman, this is something you are not supposed to do. Ever. Rape is supposed to get you at night, right? Rape is supposed to come in the form of a stranger leering at you from the bushes. What about rape that doesn't happen that way?
Sometime last week, I was walking with my boyfriend around town on a warm, sunny day. A large truck passed by us, and I glanced at it for a second, and turned back. I did a double-take, because I noticed that this truck happened to have my rapist's last name on it.
Like many women, I have had a love/hate relationship with my body for years. I've written before about having an eating disorder, as well as partaking in disordered eating (the two are somewhat different, in my opinion), and lately I've been noticing some disordered eating habits from my past return, as well as the general violence I inflict upon myself through my negative self-talk. It's all very troubling to me, because I (and others) see myself as this super strong feminist woman. And that's the thing... my feminism is about not giving a shit; not caring what others think; not bowing down to societal mainstream culture that tells me I must be a size 2 to be worthy of love. Thus, I feel like a feminist fraud when I have these feelings of self-doubt and low self-esteem. I had the sanskrit word for non-violence, "Ahimsa", tattooed on my forearm to remind me to be kind to others as well as myself. It hurts knowing that I'm generally unkind to myself. I catch myself thinking things like, "If only I could chop off this part of my thighs, or slice off part of my belly, or make my nose smaller..." There is so much violence in these thoughts. The use of words like, "chop" or "slice" when thinking about my own body is abhorrent. It needs to stop. I need to stop.