If you're a regular reader of this blog, you know that I was "let go" from a job back in January. Granted, the job was ridiculous and the environment was awful, it was a job and I had an income. Now, I am still unemployed and living off of the government. I'm that person who's "lazy" that those right wingers warned you about.  In the past five months, I have had three interviews--none of which have obviously panned out. When you apply to (minimally) five jobs a day, you expect to get more interviews. However, the economy is shitty, so there are a lot of us looking--A LOT.

I apply to pretty much everything; servers, administrative support, etc. I'm either "too qualified" (since apparently having an M.A. does mean something to some people), or I'm "under qualified" because I chose to go on to schooling instead of getting out into the "real world" to work. Basically, I'm between a heavy fucking rock and hard place, and I know I'm not alone.

In the past five months, I've been filling my time with yoga, job searching (as this has become my new job for the time being), networking (which I suck at), and staying up way too late watching Law & Order: SVU repeats. It hasn't all been bad, but I would be much happier (and way less stressed) if I had a job. Because I seem to rarely hear back from places, I'm attempting to do my own thing. I'm trying to think of ways that my Guerrilla Feminism group could potentially be profitable, and I'm working on an anthology, which I will attempt to sell to a specific publisher at the end of summer.

These projects excite me, but I also worry that I am wasting my time on them. I usually try to tell myself that, hey, there are only so many hours of the day that you can apply for jobs. Sometimes I don't believe this, though, and the doubt sinks in, and the fear becomes brighter. However, these projects make me happy--like, for real happy, and I don't want to push that away.

For someone like myself who has a diagnosed Generalized Anxiety Disorder, it's really difficult to live life without a set schedule. I am a creature of routine. When I don't have a routine, I feel lost and immobile. These past five months have been a great learning experience, as I have been forced to, at times, not have a routine, or make my own. I'm still working on the latter one, but so far, my anxiety has been the best it has ever been. I attribute this to the amount of yoga I do in a single day (which is sometimes 1, 1 hour class or 2, 2 hour classes). I don't think I've been this active, or healthy, since I ended high school. I'm definitely thankful for this.

I wish I could get paid to write... somehow. Oh, dreams.

 

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