Dear Online-Dating-Site Men:

Hi. Oh. My face is up here. Right. Thanks.

Listen, we have to have a talk. You need to know (and care) about the kind of shit you're putting out there with your less-than favorable dating profile. Lucky for you, I'm gonna break it down. In fact, I'm gonna make it so easy... I'm just gonna list the things you SHOULDN'T do:




  • post 5 pictures of yourself with 20 other people. I can't figure out who's who, and honestly? I shouldn't have to work that hard. Good god. Also, if I end up thinking one of your friends is better looking than you, that does't work to your advantage. Capisce?


  • post any pictures of you holding up your shirt or you shirtless. I won't be returning the favor in my pictures. Also, it just seems vain. I'm all for self-love and high confidence, but show me that in other ways--not just your goddamn drawn-on abs.


  • list "sex" or "women" as a favorite hobby or activity. When you list "sex" as a favorite hobby, all I see is: "Dude either can't get laid enough, or dude is a legit sex addict." I've dated a sex addict before--it's not a fun time. Any guy who lists "sex" as a hobby on his profile is a HUGE red flag to me. And don't list "Women" either--we are not hobbies, you asshole.


  • refer to yourself as "a nice guy." THE BIGGEST RED FLAG EVER. If you have to say you are a "nice guy", then you're not. #truism


  • tell me your "good in bed." Guess what? You say that, I'm gonna go ahead and think you're actually awful in bed. 


  • message me when you know I'm NOT interested. Example: on my profile, I say, "DON'T message me if you meet any of the following criteria: 1) you're a Republican, 2) we have less than a 75% match, and 3) you have a picture of yourself lifting up your shirt." Needless to say, I STILL get messages from guys who meet ALL THREE CRITERIA, which obviously tells me you don't actually read my profile, you just look at my pics and think you wanna fuck me. I'm DTF, but not casually, mmkay? Leave me alone.


  • message me about a threesome. Look, you have your idea of a "good time" and I'll have mine: fucking some hot dude, and then blissfully falling asleep to The Golden Girls on TV.


  • message me with the ridiculous, "Hey baby, you're so sexy. What are you up to?" What I'm UP to is not ever fucking you. Never. Ever. Not even for pay... okay, MAYBE for pay, but it would cost a lot. 


I really hope ya'll learned something from this. If anything, I hope you at least glanced on this page for 5 seconds before you went to jerk off to whatever fucked up porn you watch. 

Lachrista, HBiC [Head Bitch in Charge]

How To Choose The Right Sex Toy - Guest Post by Kathleen Smith

Guest Post - Kathleen Smith

Sex toys have become increasingly popular over the last few years. Vibrators still reign supreme as the most popular choice for people with vaginas. Shape reported a total of 52% of those with vaginas use vibrators, and the majority people, even those who didn't use them, had a generally positive perception about them.

So if the misconception of sex toys being taboo is the only thing that's held you back from buying one before, you have nothing to worry about now (the studies proved it!). Integrating a new toy into your sex life can make your time between the sheets even more exciting by adding a spark to your normal routine, and it can give you more intense and satisfying orgasms. 

When you're ready to buy a sex toy, the first thing you need to decide is how you plan on using it. Is it something that you want to enjoy on your own? Something you want for when you're with your partner? Or both? While a lot of the toys can be used across the gamut of singles and couples, there are a few that are better designed to meet certain needs.

Some of those with vaginas find the only way they're able to orgasm is through clitoral stimulation. Unfortunately is can be difficult to get the proper stimulation during intercourse. A finger vibrator can provide an intense sensation to the clitoris, and its discreet design is perfect for integrating it seamlessly into everyone's favorite positions. They're also great for mind-blowing masturbation. One of the most popular varieties for those with vaginas is the rabbit vibrator, which allows for penetration and clitoral stimulation at the same time. It's definitely a must have for any toy drawer.

There are also new options for people with penises looking to increase their solo experience. Pocket pussies, for one, provide a realistic feel of the vagina. Other masturbatory aids like cock rings and penis pumps can keep a penis harder for an increased amount of time. Of course the more time the penis is erect, the more time there is for fun, alone or with a partner. Prostate massagers are also growing in popularity. As Made Man explains, the G-spot for those with penises, (also referred to as the P-spot) is equivalent to the G-spot found in those with vaginas. The prostate is located inside the rectum, and massaging it can lead to powerful and more intense orgasms.

When experimenting with any anal toys for the first time, Adam and Eve recommends that you start with something designed for beginners and slowly work your way up to larger, more advanced options. Try something smooth and slender for starters. When you're ready, you can move up to ribbed or textured items for added stimulation. Whether you're using a toy, or you and your partner are penetrating one another, make sure that you have lube handy. It will make insertion much easier and minimize any initial discomfort.

Bondage toys are another option that can help to spice up your sex life. As Everyday Health points out, many people enjoy some light spanking during sex. If you're one of them, you might enjoy exploring the world of bondage. There are plenty of toys that can help you live out your favorite fantasies. Remember, you don't have to jump right into ball gags and nipple clamps. You can add a touch of mystery and tease your lover with a blindfold and feather duster, or take control by adding some light restraints. As long as you're both comfortable with it and enjoying yourselves, you can move onto more advanced options once you're ready (maybe give those nipple clamps a go!). 

From discreet bullet vibrators to restraints, feather dusters, and blindfolds, sex toys allow your imagination run wild in the bedroom. With a new toy, your sex life could be better than you ever thought before. So shake it up a bit, and try something new. Whether you're with a partner or enjoying some solo time, it won't be long before you're eager to try more!



Author Bio
This article was written by Kathleen Smith. Kathleen resides in Dallas, TX where the discussion of sex toys is still considered taboo. She is a strong believer that experimentation and openness are keys to empowering women in the bedroom and beyond. 

Friday Favorite Five, 7.25.2014

Here is my "Friday Favorite Five"--a list of 5 things I've been loving this week! Following in the radical footsteps of my grrrl Raechel over at Rebel Grrrl Kitchen, I'll also be adding a short list of things that made me happy this week.

What's on your list?

"Cocoon" bath tea, $15-$20

"Cocoon" bath tea, $15-$20

1. Beatbox Botanicals

Ya'll need to check this place out! Adaku Utah, who is the founder, was in my WGS Grad program with me for a short time in Chicago. She's now making beautiful heart healing salves, tea, wine, and more! Also, prices are on a sliding scale!

I plan to buy myself the following: "Heart Elixir", "Love Balm", "Cocoon Bath Tea", "Heart Oil", and "Trust Your Truth Salve."

My name!!!!

My name!!!!

2. Custom Silver Name Necklace

So, growing up, as you can imagine, I never had anything with my name on it--and that shit fucks with you! I have always wanted a necklace with my name on it, and I found this great shop on Etsy, appropriately called: bestnamenecklace. Mine arrived yesterday, and it's FABULOUS!!!

3. "Cloud 69" - Lowell

I just recently heard of musician, Lowell, through Bust Magazine, and I love her! This song, especially, because the chorus starts, "Fuck all you bad boys, you bad, bad boys!" Give her a listen! Her debut album drops on September 16th.

4. This quote from one of my favorite books, The Book of Awakening, by Mark Nepo: 

I have seen myself doing what was done to me, never as cruel or as harsh. But it has been enough to make me tremble at how easy it is to be cruel when afraid, and how difficult it is to accept that we are all capable of terrible things, and how cleansing it is to realize that true kindness breathes just beneath this acceptance.

I think we often forget our own humanity, and how, really, any of us can be cruel or good or what have you. It's something I continue to meditate on and keep myself aware of.



5. This art piece by Starchild Stela

I love Starchild Stela's work so fucking much. I immediately fall in love with every piece she creates. She is my favorite graffiti artist by far. I'd like to get a tattoo of one of her pieces someday. This particular piece really spoke to me, because as a woman, I'm often told or it is implied, that my anger is not valid. It has taken (and continues to take) some serious re-wiring of my brain to fully believe that, yes, my anger IS valid, damnit! 

Now, for a list of things that made me happy this week:

  • meeting with Sarah to talk about my continued teaching of trauma-sensitive yoga to women at the domestic violence shelter
  • having a lunch date downtown with my bestie Kelly <3
  • dates with a particularly cute and kind boy
  • ukulele playin'

New Music I'm Listening To Obsessively

Playlist time! Some of these songs aren't new, but they're new to me, just fyi! Check 'em out! What have you been listening to lately?


Sia - "Fair Game"
1000 Forms Of Fear

And I've never played a fair game
I've always had the upper hand
But what good is intellect & therapy
If I can't respect any man
Yeah I want to play a fair game


FKA Twigs - "Two Weeks"

Higher than a motherfucker, dreaming of it, it's my lovin' (High)
Flying like a stream of thunder, only way to do each other (High)
Pull out the insides and give me two weeks, you won’t recognize her

Sharon Van Etten - "Our Love"
Are We There

You say I am genuine
I'm a sinner, I have sinned
We're a half mast flag in wind
It's our love
It's our love
It's our love

Sylvan Esso - "Coffee"
Sylvan Esso

I know my rose will dry upon the skin
Just like a name I remember hearing
Wild winter, warm coffee
Mind's gone, do you love me?
Blazing summer, cold coffee
Baby's gone, do you love me?

Remy Ma - "Conceited"
There's Something About Remy

See I look too good to be fucking you
And I look too good to be loving you
I look way too good to be stuck with you
I'm conceited, I got a reason

It's Official: Men on the Internet Hate Me & Want Me Dead

How could anyone hate on this bae?

How could anyone hate on this bae?

I received my first death threat on Guerrilla Feminism the other day. I had posted about how there isn't "reverse" sexism or "reverse" racism. People flipped out. Dudes got all ridiculous. And then this guy said: 

"Oh my wow! Someone kill the woman who wrote this before she lays eggs!"

First of all--if I could "lay eggs", do you know how fucking cool that would be? Secondly, when I choose to have kids, they will be fucking awesome, because I am fucking awesome, aight? And third... once again, this comment proves you can't go or be anywhere safely if you're a woman--including online.

It's an interesting feeling having a stranger tell you that you should die--not only that you should die, but that you should be killed. I feel simultaneously detached from it and immensely hurt. I feel both aggressive and numb about it. 

There are plenty of people online that I can't stand, but do I wish them death or murder? No, because quite frankly, I don't care that much. 

I have to laugh (otherwise I'd cry all the time) at the fact that my existence, alone, pisses people off. And truthfully, this makes me feel super fucking powerful, so thanks trolls!

Now, get outta my way, so I can continue being awesome :P